Friday, December 14, 2018

Midlife

Me, year 2018
Me, year 1980
























Today I celebrate my 40th birthday!YEHEY!!!👏

I have been waiting for this milestone for years. The last time I was this eager to grow a year older was when I turned 18. I didn't have a grand debut because we could not afford it. All I had was a gathering of my high school and college friends. It was a very simple party but it was my happiest birthday.

I remember writing down my wishes and dreams on that day. Unfortunately, I no longer have that journal. Probably it was included in the heaps of documents my father disposed when they relocated to La Union. Did I reach those dreams? Did my plans go as I wished? Probably and probably not.  

My 22-year voyage from that day was both smooth-sailing and rough. If I was very excited to turn 18, I am very anxious to be 40. 2018 was very tough. Well, you can say my mid-life crisis started a year early. Last summer, I went into depression. 

Murphy decided to try his law on me. It rained and it poured! It started when we made our helper leave. I was overwhelmed with the work I had to juggle. I was a mother and a father at the same time. Ryan is working with another company and we'd be lucky if he can come home every weekend. I managed our household on my own. My career took another detour. I had to re-learn what I left six years ago. I have an arduous boss and timorous subordinates. It was grueling for me. I had a difficulty coping up. I was lost, confused and sad. I wanted to give up on life. 

I was very difficult to deal with, especially for my husband and my kids. At work I was very quiet and timid, very opposite to my usual cheerful personality. At home, I'd get angry even for small things. My kids became the receptor of all my frustrations. Raphael and Loraine were in the puberty stage, struggling their own battles. Karina suddenly became clingy and needy. It was horrible that they had a broken mother who cannot understand and support them. Ryan and I had conflicting priorities and we tolerated each others shortcomings just to avoid conflict. This act proved to be lethal.

I alienated myself from my peers, choosing to be with only a few people. But I still didn't open up to them. I tried several times, but fear consumed me. I was afraid to be judged and labeled. I was very unhappy. I missed the old me, the sunshine girl 🌞. 

But like in the movies, a superhero must go through the lowest of her life to know her true power. For me, my true power is my family. Ryan stayed and held on despite my craziness. After a tearful discussion about our differences we reached an agreement. He understood my needs and adjusted his way of life. He had finally realized that a happy wife means a happy life. 

Not having a helper turned out to be a blessing. My kids learned to be responsible citizens of the earth. My two older bears can now cook, do laundry and clean the house. They now also know how to budget and save. Karina became my spirit lifter. 

The most vivid wish I made at 18 was to be always happy. But being an adult in a world where failure is more revered than success is hard. If at 18 I was eager to achieve my dreams, at 39 I was worrying about the things that could go wrong because I may have set very high expectations. Today made me realize that I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I'd like to believe I lived and living a good life. And I have my battle scares to prove that... the growing number of white hair (which hair color can no longer hide), fine lines (around the eyes, forehead and the bridge of my nose), recurring pain in the knee and back (especially during the cold season) and weight gain (curves in the wrong places). 

What's in store for my next chapter? I got readmitted to the University of the Philippines Open University after being on AWOL. I'll be starting this January and by God's grace, I'll be wearing again the sablay in a year. We'll celebrate our crystal year wedding anniversary in May 💕.

And so what wish(es) will I make when I'll blow my 40th candle? I thought of three... to age with grace, to be healthy so I would see all my grandchildren, and to live and enjoy life to the fullest!

Happy 40th birthday to me! Looking forward to the day I'll turn 60!


Mantra for the next two decades

Cheers,

Jong*

P.S.

Thank you for all your greetings and wishes.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

The Candids

The Brats as Candids



It was raining this same day in 1992 when me and seven other girls were called to the office of our school paper adviser to talk about an issue that has been going for weeks. It had been a very emotional day and the start of a friendship that is as precious as diamond and as strong as titanium. July 24, 1992 was the birth of THE CANDIDS.

It was initially composed by Joyce P. Adlao, Joann O. Arellano, Heidi J. Bondad, Lori Karen D. Fonite, Suzanne P. Francisco, Cherry C. Ilarde, Lenny D. Onangey, and Roma Lizza S. Romero. A month after, Elicar M. Abreu became the 9th member.

The Candids were the "IT girls" of our batch... loved by many, detested by some.

We are unique individually but collective we are crazy, a bit bratty, and definitely beautiful.



Candids #1: The Princess
Elicar or Kakai to us is her family's princess. Mainly because she is the only girl in their family and her papa's favorite. She is so regal in all aspects, in the way she talks, walks and dance! People might think she is as fragile as crystal but I think she is a toughie. Like any fairy tale princess, she is a fighter especially if it involves her two gorgeous sons Jamil and Miggy. She'd immediately change her ball gown into an armor to protect them

(L): Kakai as a 14 year old. (L): With her sons Jamil (left) and Miggy (right)


Candids #2: Miss Bubbles
Joyce has a very bubbly personality. She laughs heartily and it is often very contagious. This is true to her whole family. If you see their FB pages, they are always grinning and smiling. Among us, I think she has the strongest personality. A trait that makes her one of the best lady lawyers in Cebu City. I am glad that her unica ija, the very pretty Andrea, inherited the same happy and bubbly nature.

(L): Joyce during the J-S Prom, 1994 (R): With Andrea during their recent trip to Singapore


Candids #3: The Queen of Talk
If you had been following my blog, you probably know that talk is my passion. My daughters Loraine and Karina are now following my footsteps and I am glad that Raphael is taking more of Ryan's personality. As much as I want to use a lot of superlatives to describe myself, I'll leave that to my friends. :-) 

(L): Me at the LNHS slope, I think this was in 1993 (L): With my bears, New Year's eve 2016






Candids #4: The Brains

Heidi was our class valedictorian, and she also graduated Cum Laude in college. She's not all brains but also a beauty. She holds the most number of beauty titles. Next to my Ryan, Rommel Jucutan (her husband) is my favorite among the Candids spouses (MJ once said they can be called Cantots! Ay apo!) Why? Because we both love to talk! EJ, the first born among the Candids children is also a brainy like Heidz.

(L): Heidz as Miss Science during the Division Science Fair in 1993 (R): With her knights Rommel (left) and EJ (right)


Candids #5: Miss Forget-Me-Not
Even in our teens, Karen or Boogs had the tendency to be forgetful. The most striking incident was when she forgot her birthday. Even to this day, we always laugh about it. Boogs is very artistic, she made a small business out of the crafts she created. Keian and Zyla would often help her with her projects. And she is the envy of many girls and gays here in Mankayan because she carries the name as Mrs. Marvin Salupen.

(L): Boogs, 1994 (L): Boogs, Zyla, Keian, and Marvin at a family outing, 2015


Candids #6: The Shy Girl
I think Suzanne or Toots is the most shy among us. She would sometimes have reservations when we would do outrageous things. She balances our craziness, often times keeping us grounded. She is also the most passionate among us. This can be seen in the loving relationship she has with her husband Cavin Lejarde and their son Steven. (Probably because they live in Paris, the city of love and passion!)

(L): Toots during my 18th birthday (L): Her holiday photo wit Cavin (middle) and Steven (right)


Candids # 7: The Comedienne
Cherry is the ultimate performer... she can sing, dance and act. But most of all, she makes us laugh the loudest. The punchlines she throws are well thought and very natural. She is the 1st runner-up in the Miss Bubbles title. Her kids, Seth and Jeci have the most beautiful eyes I've seen. She and her husband have the longest romantic relationship among us girls. They were together before our debut, so Juanito "Jun" Estepa, Jr. knows a lot of our crazy adventures.

(L): Cherry at 17 years old (R): Sharing a meal with Jeci, Jun and Seth
 

Candids #8: The Baker
It was only last year when Lenny pursued her passion for baking. This was not a surprise because their family owns the oldest bakeshop in Mankayan. She channels her creative juices through her cakes. Her creations are exquisite and now you have to line for at least a week to confirm an order. She was the last bride so we all insisted to be her maids when she exchanged I do's with George Mendoza. Len told us last week that Leela will soon be an ate.

(L): Lenny during the J-S Prom in 1995 (L): During an excursion with Leela and Geotge


Candids #9: Miss Halloween
Roma perpetually holds the crown as Miss Halloween. Not because she has the scariest face but because Halloween night falls on her birthday. When she talks, we all listen. She is our voice of reason, and often gives the best advise. The love of her life, McJohn "MJ" Chua is her exact opposite. He is very philosophical, as in pilosopo. He is Cherry's counterpart. I do know that she makes Roma and Biel happy because the mother and son would always radiate when he is around. 

(L): Roma in 1993 (R): Twinning with Biel (left) and McJohn (right)


Our friendship is not perfect. Like any relationships, it has its flaws. But I think what made us into the women that we are today was greatly influenced by what we went through as girls. Although we are now living our own dreams and aspirations, we are connected as though we never separated. We had always been there for each other... together we celebrated every marriage and childbirth, cried every heartbreak and separation, mourned a parent's death, and laughed at life's ironies. We've known each other for three-quarters of our lives. We are not just friends, we are sisters... WE ARE A FAMILY. 

"High school changes people. Some for the better, some for the worst. But if one thing is true; you find out who your real friends are."


- Anonymous

Monday, December 14, 2015

#Grateful


"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
 - Mark Twain

The birthday cake given by my bears (Ryan and the kids)


I never denied my age. When people ask me how old I am, I proudly say 36! (37 starting today). 

It's common for everyone to look back at the previous year every time we celebrate our birthdays. Looking back at my 36th year, I finally realized that I am not really ready to grow old. Well I have accepted that the fine lines on my face, the white hair, the occasional pain on the knee and back are all normal. After all, some people my age look worse than I am. Hehe! But there were some events this year that hit me so hard. 

  • Ninang sa Kasal. Two couples asked as to be godparents for their wedding. We felt honored but I cringed when I received the the invitations. Ninang sa binyag ok pa, pero sa kasal??? Ganun na ba ako katanda? I hope these couples chose us because they look up at our relationship as model of what that they want to become. And not because find us old enough to be their ninong and ninang.
  • Tita Joann. I asked a young mother to call me Ate Joann instead of Tita Joann. She has two kids. If she calls me Tita, then her kids will call me Lola. Nakakaloka!
  • Mama and Papa Getting Sick. Hazel and her family are waiting the approval of their application for immigration to Canada. Pinky and her family are residing in Qatar. Gemma is a permanent resident in Australia. By default I am going to take care of our parents. I got worried when Mama complained of pain in her feet. The doctor said the condition happens as a person ages. I am not ready if worse things will happen to them.
  • Rap and Raine entering puberty. I got sad when Rap got circumcised. I shed a tear when I was shopping for Raine's intimate apparel. This was the hardest to accept. I have admitted that I am getting old but it is very difficult for me to accept that the kids are getting old. (Shedding a tear right now). I know this situation will eventually come but I feel it was too soon. Ryan is taking it well but it is tough for me. I wish the bears could be babies forever.
Despite of these occasions, I am still very grateful. There were moments I felt low, but over-all it was a good year. Raphael and Loraine are doing good in school. Karina's milestones are way ahead her age. Ryan and I are going strong. We are quite secure.I could honestly say that I am happy and at peace.

I just wish I could sleep longer. I am missing the days when I could wake up with the sun so high in the sky. I also hope we can schedule a family trip. Ryan and I are always on superhero mode, and the list of villains are endless. So there's not much time to relax. 

http://staffordlakay.blogspot.com/2013_01_01_archive.html

Thank you to every one who made my 37 years of journey worth remembering and sharing. Love! Joy! Peace! to all! 

Live life to the fullest! J

Cheers,

Jong* 


 


Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Serendipity

On this day 13 years ago, Ryan and I officially became a couple. Around this same time, I finally agreed to be his girlfriend (after a condition we still laugh about). So in celebration of this day, I would like to share the piece I contributed to Bo Sanchez' 40 Stories of Finding Your One True Love (Inspiring Short Stories of Real People Who Found Lasting Love). It was published in 2010, so I am revising the ending to fit our present situation.


HOW SERENDIPITY  STEPPED IN
"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope."   -  Jeremiah 29:11
 Serendipity is defined as the gift of finding valuable things not sought. Is it possible?

I suppose it is.

My one true love and I first met on October 18, 2001 at the lobby of my present company's head office. We both had a job interview that day. Both nervous and anxious, we just smiled at each other. All I had in mind was getting the job. He told me later that he somewhat found me interesting.

It took four months before I got the job. Within those four months, I got into a relationship. I thought my boyfriend was the person I had been waiting for. We had great times together, we laughed a lot, and we were so in love. But getting the job required me to relocate. Back in 2002, cellular phones were unknown in the place where I was assigned. This made it difficult for my boyfriend and me to keep in touch.

One afternoon in March, I saw Ryan - the guy I met at the lobby. We made some small talk and I learned that he got into the company earlier than I did, and that he was with the engineering department. I didn't give him much attention then, but I couldn't forget his reaction when we saw each other there. Star-struck is the word for it I believe.

One day, Ryan and I happened to ride the same jeepney. I was going to visit a friend and I told him he should meet her, and that she was also single like him. Somebody commented while we were talking that we might end up with each other. I found that very silly, but unknown to either of us, it was destined to happen.

My boyfriend eventually decided to end our relationship because he was happier with someone else. I cried buckets of tears. My office mates told me to forget the guy and offered comfort by saying that they would set me up with one of the new employees. This new employee turned out to be Ryan.

11 years after... top photo was our first official couple picture and bottom photo was taken two years ago

Ryan and I started going out as friends. And because he was a housemate of a coworker in my department, we often hang out together. He was very smart, sweet and had loads of sense of humor. Suddenly, one day we felt that friendship was not enough. Two months after my boyfriend broke up with me,  Ryan and I became a couple (That's June 2! J). And two years after that, we got married.

We now have three kids, whom we fondly call as our bears. Our eldest is Raphael. He got his daddy's good looks and towering height, and he loves anything that has wheels. Loraine is my mini-me, my stylist and my fashion adviser. I see so much of myself in her, except that she is more creative. And my baby bear is Karina, our Miss Congeniality. Though very young, she now has followers who love her bubbly personality. *


Our thirteen years together was not always smooth, there was a time when we almost gave up on each other. But I wouldn't trade the wonderful memories we created together with anything in this world. *

I guess true love is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship. It's not about how much you have in the beginning but how much love you you build until the end.

With our bears during our most recent family date

* Revised to the current writing.